Zombie or Not, I Don't Care
by Lee Aiden
Summary: (Lollipop Chainsaw) When Juliet Starling's best friend, Samantha Falgoust, joins her on a crazy birthday journey, she never expected that she'd fall in love with someone who is and should be her worst enemy- a zombie. Zed/OC, slight OOC and AU.
1. Some Say That's When It Began

**_That's right, I'm starting a random Lollipop Chainsaw story! This came to me while I was bored on my birthday on Monday, and after I finished thinking of my own original character for the game, I figured, why not put her in a storyline surrounding the events of the game? So lo and behold, here's the result!  
This story is gonna move kind of fast, so bear with me a little, okay?  
Enjoy!_**

I only own my character, Samantha "Sam" Falgoust.  


* * *

When Juliet Starling woke up the morning of her birthday, she didn't think her whole school would be overrun with zombies and that she'd have to cut off her boyfriend's head in order to save him from turning into one of them himself.

Now, she was in the cafeteria, faced with a gigantic cake… or, what seemed like a cake. It was made of TNT… right in front of her. To make matters worse, numerous zombies that had been set on fire were pouring into the room, dead set on lighting the towers of explosives.

Some birthday.

Luckily, she was able to slice the last fire-covered zombie in half and spare herself the trouble of bolting out of the room to save herself from being blown to bits. It was then that she heard a voice from up on the balcony.

"Hey, Juliet! Up here!"

Her gaze drifting upward, the blonde cheerleader smiled broadly at the sight of a tall, brunette girl dressed in all black holding a spiked flail on a chain in her right hand.

"Sam! You're okay!" Juliet chirped happily.

The girl in mention flashed a smirk, then vaulted down to the floor where the other girl was standing with her trusty chainsaw. "Course I am," she replied, "You didn't think I'd become one of those freaks with this much zombie-hunting under my belt, would ya?"

It was then that Sam noticed the head dangling from Juliet's belt wrapped around her skirt. "So, Jules," she started, calling her best friend by the nickname she had given her, "who's the head?"

The cheerleader giggled a little before turning around to let Sam get a better look. "This is actually my boyfriend, Nick." she explained. "He, uh… got bit, so I had to do this to him."

"I see," the brunette pondered. She knelt down slightly and gave the head a smile. "Nice to finally meet you, Nick," she would've stuck out her hand to shake, but seeing how he didn't have any arms… "I'm Sam Falgoust."

The boyfriend head stared the taller girl down. Her straight, dark brown hair was rather long, reaching about to her waist, and her bangs were slightly choppy. Her outfit consisted of a black tank top with a grey skull on it, baggy black pants with multiple pockets and a chain on the rim, a bullet belt, lace-up combat boots, and studded gauntlet armbands. Her bright green eyes twinkled with a spark of mischievousness.

He had a strange feeling he wanted to ask her a- probably- weird question, just to clear something up. "So, uh, Sam. What kind of music are you in to?"

The brunette grinned once more. "Death metal," she winked.

He figured as much.

"Oh, yeah, almost forgot!" she spoke up suddenly, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a decent-sized white box with a black ribbon. "May not be much, but I hope it does you some good. Happy birthday, Jules."

Juliet took the box, beaming, but Sam leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Don't open it until you really have to use it, though, kay?"

Immediately after the blonde nodded, a group of zombies with bombs strapped to their bodies were rolled into the cafeteria on wheelbarrows, flailing around like headless chickens. There was no doubt that they would explode in a matter of seconds.

Sam turned to Juliet. "Whaddya say we high-tail our asses out of here?"

She gave her best friend a nod, following her out the double doors as the "cake" exploded to bits behind them. Now, they just had to find the sick bastard who started this whole thing.

And more than likely, he was waiting outside.


	2. Night Of The Living Dead

"Christ!" Sam shouted to no one in particular as she stumbled forward from the explosions. "Somebody is seriously asking for it!"

The blonde and brunette looked up just in time to see Juliet's instructor, Sensei Morikawa, flying towards them and landing nicely in the crook of the cheerleader's cleavage. She let out a slight shriek before falling back a little.

"Magna-genocide, baby!" a rather booming voice spoke up, accompanied by a long, devilish laugh.

Juliet stared at the figure, who was perched on top of the monument in the center of the school's courtyard. "Hey, I recognize him," she pondered aloud. "He went to school with us, Sam."

The brunette let out a scoff. "So we've got another addition to the freak show parade, huh?"

"He's the one…" Morikawa mused. "The one planning to open the gate to Rotten World."  
_  
Rotten World? _Sam thought with a raised eyebrow. _Oh… that's probably the place where all these zombies are coming from. Great.  
_  
"Oh, man," the figure spoke again, "There's nothing more hysterical to me than watching this world burn." He cast his head down. "This world, this government, this society made my life a living Hell- and now, everyone is gonna know a life of Hell- forever!"

Sam's eyes widened. "Wait a second… I know that voice!" she growled. "It's that Goth kid, Swan!"

"You know him?" Juliet glanced over at the brunette.

She nodded in response. "I hate to admit that we were friends for a while… but High School changes things a lot." she explained with a biting of her lip.

The blonde swiveled her head back to look at the black-haired boy. "Why are you doing this to our school?"

"What, did you not have any time to clean out your locker, Juliet?" Swan scoffed.

"You know there's more than that!" the brunette by her side added. "Tell us the real reason!"

The boy chuckled. "Oh, believe me, my dear Sam- you'll find out in due time." To this, the metalhead bared her teeth in annoyance.

Nick took the opportunity to say something. "Hey, leave her alone!" he retorted in defense to his girlfriend. "Wait till I get my hands on you, dude!"

The taller of the two girls had to stifle a laugh as she stared down at him. "Uhmm, Nick? Not to burst your bubble, but…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he grumbled.

The girls stared up at Swan as he proceeded to recite a chant in English, then changing to Latin shortly after. Sam could only pick of pieces of it, and really only understood the first language spoken. "Malicious lords," he started. "I invoke your dark forces in declaring myself God of this realm." she saw him raise a book to the sky. "As the pawns are present, may your ritual commence, and may the Dark Purveyors appear!"

_Pawns? _Juliet asked herself. _What does he mean by that?  
_  
As the English changed to Latin, Morikawa ran forward to stop the summoning, only to be blown back by the appearance of five different colored orbs- red, yellow, green, blue, and purple, all surrounded by a black fog. After once more stumbling into Juliet's cleavage, he collapsed on the ground.

"Sensei!" she blurted out in horror. While she bent down to check on him, Sam drifted her gaze upward back to Swan, who was now being circled by the colored orbs.

"This world makes me wanna puke!" she heard a voice- a female one- speak up. "You're the one that called us here?"

The Goth grinned maliciously. "That's right," he told the voice. "I'm your new master now. And, I demand you initiate the pawns into the ritual and rot every living thing in the entire school along the way!"

The female voice, now joined by four other male voices, began to cloud together into a jumble of unintelligible noise, while Swan let out another laugh. One more of the voices became understandable. "I think I dig this kid- a real fuckin' headcase!"

"How could you do this to Sensei Morikawa?" Juliet shouted.

"And what the hell do you mean by 'pawns'?" Sam raged.

Another voice was heard. "That smell…? These two are zombie hunters."

Sam stood up, swinging her flail in her hand. "You're damn right we're zombie hunters!" she snapped. "And what the fuck are you dickheads laughing at?"  
Juliet glared, gritting her teeth.

Swan raised an arm to the sky. "Now… let the ritual commence!" He then pointed to the ground, while the red orb came flying down in the direction of his finger. "Zed!"

The impact caused the two girls to fall back a ways, before a dark red puddle appeared on the grass in front of them. Emerging shortly after was a person's head- more specifically, a zombie's head. His olive skin showed various signs of physical decay, blood splatters on his forehead and also covering his nose and bottom lip. His eyes were nearly colorless shining a dull white, Along with a tall, bright red Mohawk, he sported various ear and facial piercings. Juliet and Sam could only assume this was the zombie called Zed.

He flashed the zombie hunters a smirk. "Let's play," he breathed with a snicker.

Juliet's mouth dropped open in horror for a short time, she regained her composure and let out an irritated growl.

Sam, on the other hand, made an "oh" expression with her lips, slightly narrowing her eyes and raising an eyebrow in interest. "Damn," she murmured under her breath. "He's pretty hot for a zombie…"

Her reverie was broken by the zombie's voice pounding into their eardrums. "PISS… OFF!" His words shot out as blocky, black and red lettering that rammed into the girls and sent them flying, each letting out a scream as they vanished into the clouds.


	3. Blood Is Spilling Everywhere

The rude awakening came from the impact of the ground underneath Juliet and Sam as they crashed into an abandoned car crusher factory.

"Aw, hell!" Nick groaned, rolling his eyes with a shake of his head. Juliet sat up and glance about at her surroundings. "Where… where are we?" she wondered aloud.

"It was once an old car dump," Sam explained, "but after a while, some kids made it into an underground Punk venue." Her eyes narrowed. "And I have a feeling that this is where Zed is."

"How do you know?" the blonde asked her.

To that, the metalhead pointed a ways in front of them. "'Cause hot zombie boy's face is on the big screen over there."

Juliet ignored the comment that called Zed "hot zombie boy" and turned in the direction of Sam's finger. Sure enough, there was the punk rock zombie on what seemed like a stage, a group of kids scattered around banging their heads to the music.

The two girls quickly began making their way down the makeshift path of dirt and metal towards where he was waiting, only to be stopped by the sound of his voice radiating through the mounds of speakers on the stage.

"I'm gonna rock your brains out- LITERALLY!" With that, more black and red letters like from before flew at them, but they quickly and efficiently dodged them.

"No one told me we were gonna have to deal with giant letters," Nick commented.

Juliet performed a wheel kick to one of the zombies in front of her, knocking its head off. "That My Chemical Romance wannabe is destroying San Romero!"

"Actually, Jules," Sam spoke up after knocking another zombie to the ground with her flail. "MCR isn't punk. Bad Brains are punk, The Ramones are punk…"

"Not important, Sam," the blonde drawled, trying not to sound irritated. "We've gotta kill this guy!"

Nick could have sworn he saw the brunette lower her head and mutter, "Damn…"

The rumbling sound above the girls caused them to look up and make eye contact with an old car dangling from a large crane, ready to fall in a matter of seconds.

"BITCH, I can't wait to see you DIE!" Zed shouted, the noise causing the car to fall. Quickly, Juliet used her chainsaw to slice through the vehicle and vaulted through, Sam following close behind her. They heard his voice again. "Your friend, on the other hand… OOOH MAN, I wouldn't mind having HER stick around!"

The brunette stopped mid-sprint with widened eyes and a faint blush on her cheeks. _Wha…what does he mean by that?_

As the girls continued to make their way towards the bottom of the hill, Juliet sliced up a couple more zombies while trying to ignore the various spouts coming from the punk rock zombie. "His voice is mega irritating!" The blonde grumbled as she dodged another attack of blocky letters.

Sam bit her lip while slamming her flail into another zombie. "His voice is mega-hot, Jules!" she gushed unintentionally.

The head dangling from Juliet's waist gave the other girl a weird look. "Since when are you attracted to a fucking zombie, Sam?" he questioned, a hint of what may have been suspicion in his voice.

If the brunette had heard Nick, she didn't respond.

"Eat metal, dickweeds!" she snapped, swinging her weapon over her head before making impact with a group of four zombies and slamming them to the ground. All the while, she kept her eyes focused on Zed. Yeah, she knew that it was the worst thing in the world to like someone she was trying to kill, but… let's face it- he was hot.

"Time to get HARDCORE, you blonde zombie-huntin' SLUT!"

Juliet whipped out her chainsaw and braced herself, slicing up even more zombies. "Sam, you go on ahead, I've got this!" To prove her point, she decapitated three of them in a row.

The brunette gave her best friend a nod, then vaulted over the chain fence, landing on top of a small pile of cars which was not too far away from where the mohawked Dark Purveyor stood.

He soon turned and caught sight of the metalhead zombie hunter, to which he gave a low whistle and a wink. "Well hey there, hot stuff," he grinned. "What brings you here?"

Sam bit her lip, staring into Zed's eyes from where she stood. White met green. Before she could open her mouth, Juliet had made her way onto the stage.

_Juliet, you may be my best friend… _she thought with a tiny scowl on her face, _…but you are such a twatblock to the one guy I might have a chance with._

"Your ass is MINE!" he screamed at her, causing the blonde girl to cover her ears. The punk rock zombie grinned, chuckling to himself a little. "Mmm, I LOVE the smell of almost-dead cheerleader in the morning!"

Juliet's jaw dropped slightly? "Seriously?" she snapped. "That comment just made guy-liner here the uncoolest dude ever!"

"Sorry Jules," Sam shrugged with a sheepish grin on her face. "I still think he's hot."

She had to avoid a forward stab from Zed's microphone stand before whipping out her chainsaw and sprinting forward to meet him fight was on.


	4. I Just Can't Go On

"Gah, he's too fast!" Juliet grumbled as she met another unsuccessful attempt at slicing through the punk rock zombie. Quickly, she did a backflip out of the way of him trying to stab her with his large microphone stand.

The brunette metalhead had taken to staying out the scuffle, standing over on the far right side of the stage. Her friend seemed to be doing fine on her own- she normally did. But she felt bad for not helping. Even so, in a sense, she didn't want to.

_Dammit,_ she mentally kicked herself. _What the hell is going on with me? Why am I feeling this way about a fucking zombie?_

Speak of the devil; after Zed had blasted another group of blocky letters at the blonde, he sped over to her. "Why the long face, babe?" he almost purred, a smirk on his face.

In response, the girl leaned against the wall, arms crossed. "Oh, you know… watching my best friend fight a hot zombie. Feeling insanely twatblocked because of it." she shrugged, raising an eyebrow at him in a flirtatious manner. "No big deal, really."

The mohawked zombie's grin became wider as he gave Sam a wink before speeding back to fight Juliet again. The multiple, although short conversations they had went something like this-

"So what's a fine piece of ass like you doing with this slut?"

"She's my best friend. And I'm not that good-looking."

"You kidding me? You're the hottest chick I've laid my eyes on."

"Well, you're the hottest zombie I've ever laid my eyes on. And that counts for something."

"Mmm, I'm glad it does."

Sam's smile grew throughout the time. Yeah, he was a pretty aggressive flirt, but it was a turn-on for her. She was very interested in this one.

But when Juliet sliced him through the waist with her chainsaw, all hell broke loose inside her head. She had to cover her mouth with her hands so she didn't let out a scream. What in the name of hell was she doing?

However, Zed quickly stood back up, putting the two halves of his body back together and laughing. "You think that hurts me? I just jizzed a little!" Suddenly, various large speakers rose up from the ground, forming a series of towers around him and Juliet. "Catch me if you can, whore!" he cackled, jumping from speaker to speaker.

The brunette standing off to the side watched him with curiosity. There was also a sense of dread she possessed. Juliet had already nearly succeeded in slicing him apart once- there was no way in hell she was going to let her do it again.

Still, the speakers had all been destroyed by the blonde cheerleader, and she proceeded to go in for the final kill. Raising her chainsaw to the sky, she prepared to slam it down and slice him in half for good.

"Juliet, no!" Sam cried out, finally gaining movement in her legs as she raced forward toward zombie and zombie hunter. She couldn't take it and fell to her knees, letting out an ear-curdling scream of horror. "STOP!"

Thankfully, her plea hadn't fallen on deaf ears. The blonde turned in her best friend's direction, lowering her chainsaw to her side. "Sam… what's going on?" she asked.

"You wanna know what's going on?" she snapped. "I'll tell you what's going on! I'm supposed to be a fucking zombie hunter, yet here I am, on my knees, trying to save one of them from getting sliced in half by my best friend!" she finally managed to look Juliet in the eyes, glaring, yet on the verge of tears. "Don't you get it, Jules? I've finally cracked. I think I'm falling for a zombie."

The cheerleader's eyes widened, staring at her with a softened gaze. "Sam…" she whispered.

From behind them, Zed let out a low chuckle. "Hey, that's nothing to get all pissy about," he spoke, walking over towards the metalhead. "Maybe you'll enjoy falling for a zombie like me." Kneeling down slightly, he helped Sam to her feet. "For one, even if a bunch of dickheads give you shit, you'll still be able to kick their candy asses from here to next fucking week!" he solidified his case with a wink. "And, one other thing…" he then took her by the shoulders and pulled her to him. "You'll get to experience this first hand."

What happened next shocked both Juliet and Sam greatly. The punk rock zombie gave the brunette in his arms a smirk and another wink before crashing his lips to hers in a fiery kiss. As soon as it had started, it had ended- he pulled away from her mouth, but then swiftly took one of the metalhead's hands in his and bit down on the skin of her palm.

At the contact of his teeth, Sam let out a long, loud scream, clutching her wrist and falling to the ground, writhing in pain.

"Sam!" Juliet cried, rushing towards her fallen best friend and taking the non-bitten hand in hers. "Sam, say something, please!"

The brunette squirmed and let out a couple painful shouts, wincing. "I… I had it coming, Jules. Don't worry too much about me," she muttered with a forced, sheepish grin on her face.

"Don't say that," the blonde choked, squeezing Sam's hand. "You're gonna turn into one of them now… not just a zombie. A Dark Purveyor."

"Well… heh," the girl on the ground bit her lip as she jerked again. "Least I'll still have my personality in check."

The eyes of the cheerleader then lit up. "I-I can save you, just like I did with Nick! I can perform that same ritual on you and-"

Sam pressed a finger to Juliet's lips. "Thanks… but no thanks, Jules," she responded with a small chuckle. "I'd like to have my whole body instead of just being a head." She then looked up into the eyes of her best friend, her face now all seriousness. "Juliet, I want you to listen to what I have to say, alright?"

She leaned closer to her best friend.

"You know that I'm gonna turn into a zombie," she started. "So when the time comes, I want you to find me. Hunt me down if you have to, I don't care. But when you do… if I'm too out of control to be reasoned with… don't hesitate to kill me." Juliet opened her mouth to retort, but Sam immediately shut it for her. "I know you're gonna decline. I'm your best friend, I know that. But this is for your own good if it comes down to it, Jules. If you have to… if it really comes down to it… then kill me."

The brunette squeezed the hand that was being held by the blonde cheerleader. "Promise me that, okay?"

She sniffled, finally managing a nod. "I promise, Sam."

"Good." she grinned weakly.

The brunette was then lifted gently off the ground by the mohawked zombie, who smirked and let out a cackle. "Until we meet again, vanilla slut!" he sneered, disappearing in a cloud of black fog.

In a matter of seconds, Zed and Sam were gone.


End file.
